I Wore This Yesterday

It is Thursday, March 19. We live in Ohio.

Our kids are off from school indefinitely. Restaurants and bars are open for carry-out and drive-thru service only. Hair/nail salons are closed. Tattoo shops are closed. County buildings, closed. Most BMV’s, closed.

Unemployment wait time is being waived. It’s being promised that utilities won’t get shut off for non-payment. Officers are being instructed not to ticket for expired licenses.

Non-essential doctor appointments are being canceled.  Elective surgeries, postponed.

“Stay home.”

“Flatten the curve.”

Last week, my family stocked up on necessities from the grocery store. We have enough meat for at least a month and we are good on pastas, grains, and canned foods.

It has become apparent very quickly that I should have bought more diapers and ice cream. And, maybe, some extra art supplies for homeschooling.

Honestly, if Disney+ goes down, my family is doomed.

I have been a stay-at-home mom for a couple years now. I suppose that my actual day-to-day adjustments are pretty minor. The hardest part, so far, about the kids being homeschooled is that we haven’t quite gotten our routine down yet.

After just barely a week, our kids have demonstrated an understanding of why we aren’t leaving the house. They’re not happy about it. But, they seem to get it. Thank the Good Lord for video calling! We are keeping in touch with grandparents this way and I have reached out to some of their friends’ parents to try to set up some calls.

Unfortunately for us, my husband still has to go to work every day. I mean, I guess I should be glad that in light of so many businesses closing, my husband is still getting paid. I AM grateful for that. But he works at a hospital. And maybe it’s selfish, but right now I hate it.

My husband is a carpenter. He runs construction work at a local hospital and has for several years. He and his guys build new additions and update all sorts of things throughout the buildings.

Honestly, the shit he knows is insane. I never knew how many complicated state and health codes applied in hospital construction. And he just knows it all. Straight out of his brain. Seriously. Ask him. Ask what unique safety measures should be taken in any given area of the hospital. He can tell you without looking it up…without even stopping to think about it. His knowledge continuously blows my mind.

I am very proud of what Husband has accomplished at work. He has had a steady position for years (if you know the construction trade, you know that’s not always the case for many). He is in a position of authority. But, he’s the kind of boss you WANT to work for. Simply put – he knows his shit, he’s respectful and fair with his guys, and he’s not afraid to admit when he’s wrong (which is rare).

So, back to WHERE he’s working…

I don’t hate it always. In fact, I have never hated it. I think it’s pretty awesome that his career has taken him to a hospital. When you think construction, you usually just picture building houses. What my hubs does is unique.

But, right now, with all this Coronavirus bullshit…a hospital is the very last place in the world I want him.

OK, I’m being selfish. I know that it’s important work and someone’s gotta do it. I know that only he is able to do some of the things he does. I know he has lots of hospital personnel depending on the work he and his guys do.

I get it. I do. Greater good.

But, come on. How can I not be worried? This virus is the craziest, straight-outta-movie thing that will ever happen in our lifetime. You’re damn right I want my husband home with me and the kids!

Every morning for the past week, we wake up, drink our coffee together, then he gets dressed and goes. I’m cool when he’s home. But, the second he jumps in his truck, panic sets in.

I don’t know exactly what I’m panicking about. Like I said, I’m a veteran stay-at-home mom, so I know what the hell I’m doing here.

The best way I can describe it is this: with all the uncertainty, scary news stories, and my own imagination running amuck…I just need my husband. The stability that I create for my children by being here – That’s the stability I get from my husband. I feel safe when he is here. I know that HE is safe when he’s here.

I am terrified that he is going to go to work one day during this and never come home.

I’m afraid of how the scared general public is reacting. He works in a hospital…Where tensions are high. All it takes is one unhinged guy somewhere to do something stupid. Same goes for gas stations and places alike. All the hoarding of toilet paper has made it apparent that people are out to save Number One. What happens if he runs into one of those panicky people at a gas station?

Am I overreacting? Yeah, probably.

Should I be more worried about the fact that he’s at a hospital and there’s a virus he can pick up? Yeah, probably.

But, honestly, my feeling is this: If Hubs goes down, I’m going down with him. I’m not afraid that he’s going to get infected and bring it home to me. I’m afraid of all the other uncertainties out there.

Simply- I just want Hubs to live Bunker Life with me and the kids. I want him here where I can see him.

I want him to come home.