Marriage How-To: Growing With My Husband

Sometimes we disagree.

And that’s OK.

We are two different personalities. It’s bound to happen.

Hubs and I have been through our share of obstacles. I don’t know any married couple who hasn’t been through something.

Maybe I’m just feeling extra mushy because it’s almost our 10 year anniversary…But I have some things to say. Whether you have been married for 10 years, 5 years, 1 year, or newly engaged…These are things I have learned. These are things I wish I knew. These are things I may have been told, but wish I listened to sooner.

This is my advice.

I’m not a psychologist. I’m not a marriage counselor.

I’m just a wife who has been through life.

And I want to share what I’ve learned.

It’s OK To Argue

Hear me out.

Arguing in itself is not a problem. People disagree. It’s good to disagree. You need to tell your partner if you think their idea is bat-shit crazy. And your partner needs to tell you if they don’t like how you handled something.

Disagreements and arguments are OK as long as they are productive.

Name-calling is NEVER OK. You and your partner are bound to piss off each other sometimes. But, using the phrase, “Listen here, asshole,” is not how you speak to someone you love. Words can hurt. A given discussion can already be difficult for you guys – don’t make it mean too.

Focus on the desired outcome. Do you want your partner to understand a feeling? Do you want them to change something? Do you need to change something? What will be fair and make you both happier at the end of said discussion?

Your Feelings Matter

This took me WAY too long to understand for myself.

How does my husband know something is bothering me if I don’t tell him? He doesn’t live inside my brain. He doesn’t feel what I feel automatically.

And what’s more – feelings need to be validated. For your own sanity! If you’re feeling worried about something, don’t you like to hear someone tell you they understand? Even if there’s no real discussion to be had or solution found…Getting the feeling out to your partner is the important part. Validity and understanding.

Intimacy Is SO Important

I’m talking intimacy in two different ways: emotional and physical.

Emotional intimacy…Tell your partner shit you would never ever tell another soul. Tell them your fears and secrets. Talk about theirs.

Physical intimacy…Sex is important. And not just because it’s sex and people like getting freaky. It goes hand-in-hand with emotional intimacy. Likes, dislikes, feelings…All things you and your partner should share.

Just Because You Are Adults, Doesn’t Mean You Have To Act Like It Always

I freaking love being goofy with my hubs. I love when we joke about ridiculous things. I love when we laugh at and with each other. I love when we look up crazy videos on YouTube together and when we shop for dumb things we don’t need on Amazon.

We are in our 30s, and we have inside jokes. We grab each other’s asses all the time. We high-five. We tickle. We laugh a lot.

Just US Stuff

I probably could have said this under the ‘intimacy’ category…But this is so important to me that I feel it needs to be expressed on its own.

Hubs and I have “Just US Stuff.” There’s a whole list of things we share, do, and say that are 100% specific to JUST US. There are special things we acknowledge to each other as Just US things.

I know this is vague…But it has to be, otherwise it wouldn’t be what it is…

All I can say is – you need some Just US stuff in your lives too. Trust me.

So…Like I said, I’m probably just feeling mushy because we are coming up on 10 years.

But, I guess I hope these things were inspirational in some way to you…

Hubs and I are far from having all of life figured out. But, I think we are growing pretty damn well…

I asked my husband to re-marry me yesterday.

He said yes.


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