The whole COVID timeline is beginning to get a little fuzzy for me now. My days have been running together since March and I have been wearing my husband’s boxers as shorts daily since April.
All I know at this moment is it’s July and while businesses are reopening, there are tons of douchebags out there still not wearing masks and holding protests and graduation parties like they’re invincible.
The number infected is on the rise and people are losing their minds over the possibility of more shut-downs.
If you douche canoes don’t want to move backward, just start listening to the CDC. I’m fairly sure they know their shit and wouldn’t tell you to wash your hands if it weren’t hygienic and helpful.
While I absolutely don’t want our state, or entire country for that matter, to regress, there are some things I was NOT missing during the “Stay Home” order.
Getting My Kids Up In The Morning
Yesterday, I had my yearly physical at the ass-crack of dawn. No way was I taking my three kids with me, so everyone woke up early to go to Grandma’s house while I went for a check-up.
Man, I did not miss waking up the kids to get ready in the morning.
Schools have been closed since mid-March and when distance learning became a thing, the kids and I quickly got used to rolling out of bed later and learning in pajamas.
I almost forgot how much it sucks getting kids ready to leave in the morning.
Hair, teeth, clothes, shoes, breakfast…
All before 8am.
I totally did not miss getting to the car a hot, sweaty mess from wrestling my two-year-old into clothes and arguing with the other two about why oral hygiene is important.
I actually love doing makeup. It makes me feel good and I find experimenting fun.
But during lockdown life, I had found it mostly pointless to waste so much makeup if I really wasn’t leaving the house.
And, oh my God, was it surprisingly freeing!
There’s something to be said for the extra half hour of coffee time I gained by cutting out the makeup routine.
I have been wearing my husband’s clothes WAY more often than my own.
Here’s the thing: boxers make AMAZING shorts and are WAY more comfortable than leggings.
If I’m home all day, who the hell do I need to impress with pants?
And anyway, boxers leave me way more stretching room for running up and down stairs with a laundry basket.
Wearing A Bra
It has been 1969 in my house since the pandemic began.
Bras are boob jail and I see no need to lock up the girls when I’m at home.
Don’t worry, I walk to the mailbox with my arms crossed on the off chance a neighbor looks in my direction and isn’t immediately distracted by my use of boxers as shorts.
OK, this is only half true.
I HAVE missed my family and our get-togethers.
But, spending a shit ton of money on birthday parties and things alike – nope.
I guess I’ve missed parties and people, just not accompanying expenses.
We spent this past Easter at home, nothing fancy, and it was just a nice change from the usual money dropped and headache of making sure the house is immaculate.
I definitely missed all the deal-hunting I usually do, but good Lord, I did NOT miss the actual shopping.
Grocery shopping sucks. Following a list and budget sucks. Taking three kids to the store and continuously saying, “keep your hands to yourself,” sucks.
And by the way, what ass hat thought it was a good idea to line the check-outs with candy bars, novelty fans, and freaking Kinder Eggs?
Indoor Play Centers
Come on, you can’t possibly tell me the rest of you mamas actually ENJOY the McDonald’s Play Place.
I freaking hate any place that serves ice cream and makes my kid lose their shit when it’s time to leave.
Dude, you just spent an hour and a half going down the same exact slide and swapping shoes with other kids – it’s time to GO.
What part of every day life did you miss the least while in lockdown?