It’s a tale as old as time…
I spent all day picking up toys, reorganizing, and cleaning – yet, the house still feels trashed.
A mom’s work is never really done – We all know that. There will always be mess. There will always be laundry. Homework. Dishes. Bath times…
As a SAHM, I’m pretty used to this daily routine of cleaning but never feeling accomplished. I’ve been trying hard to embrace the art of saying, “fuck it,” because I know the chores will always be there and I’m happier when taking time to enjoy my kids and hubs.
But lately, I’ve hit a roadblock on my way to Fuckitville.
That roadblock: nesting.
So, nesting is this maternal instinct that is activated when a woman is “expecting.” Basically, you feel this overwhelming need to ready your home for its new addition. That can come in the form of buying baby gear, painting, organizing, decluttering, extra cleaning…anything, really.
I feel like I hear about the nesting phase often when people talk about pregnancy – but it’s so routine, I don’t think it gets taken seriously as a mental health issue.
…before you start rolling your eyes there, let me explain a little.
I didn’t use the “mental health” trigger to insinuate women should be taking a pill for that. I just mean, nesting is a REAL FEELING and it can totally be overwhelming and anxiety provoking.
In my previous blog, I pointed out things no one told me about having babies. Well, nesting is a thing no one tells you the truth about.
Seriously. Everyone thinks it’s just an adorable process of painting pink or blue walls and buying furniture.
Ask my husband how real it became the day 24-year-old me, a sweaty, sobbing mess, lost my shit because our very first baby was on the way and I felt like NOTHING was done.
Hey, he knew everything was under control and we had plenty of time. But hormonal me was feeling a completely different set of feelings, where I was certain the baby would resent me for not making his bedroom perfect.
And the day my hormones took over, we learned a valuable lesson – that nesting isn’t just some cute phase. It’s a mental NEED that must be fulfilled for the happiness and subsequent sanity of both mom and dad. Even if it’s financially impossible to fulfill mom’s needs right then and there – for God’s sake, make a to-do list so she feels like the job has begun.
Fast forward to now. I’m on pregnancy number four and the nesting has begun. The hubs is an old pro by now and knows all the right things to say and do to help. Just today, he came home from work to find me sitting in our 3-year-old’s room, staring at the walls and an open closet. He knew all the anxious thoughts that were probably running through my mind. So, he started talking storage plans with me.
Luckily, at this point in our lives, I have a support who knows and understands what I’m feeling right now. He knows damn well that I just spent eight hours blowing through the house, reorganizing and maniacally throwing shit away. He knows I don’t want to hear, “don’t worry.” I NEED to hear plans.
He smoothly whispers sweet nothings of shelving and changing table placement, and like that, I’m not so anxious anymore.
Pacified, I’m finally able to enjoy the rest of my day and jump back on that road to Fuckitville – where ice cream and Cheezits for dinner sounds perfect, because it’s dog bath night and I’m pregnant anyway, so YOLO.
All I’m saying is this:
If you have a pregnant, nesting wife…Listen to her. Even if she’s screaming. Even if she’s crying. If you can help, help. If you can’t do, then plan. You’ll both be happier and healthier for it.