I miss going to work.
Ugh. There’s a statement I never thought I’d ever think, let alone say out loud.
But, alas – it’s true.
OK, I don’t miss having a job and all the bullshit that comes with being a working parent. The days of rushing to get the kids fed, dressed, and semi-happy before dropping them at my mom’s so I could make it to work by 8…
Yeah, screw all that.
I guess what I miss most about going to work is the opportunity to talk to other adults on a daily basis.
It’s funny, really, that I feel this way.
I’m the most introverted extrovert ever, who dreamed, for years, of becoming a stay-at-home parent over remaining a part of the workforce. Having a family of my own to love and care for had always seemed to be a job that would undoubtedly trump dealing with idiots, err…um, the general public for the rest of my life.
Don’t get me wrong – I DO love being a stay-at-home mom!
Some days, my oldest son explains to me the art of building in Minecraft in lengthy detail. Other days, it’s all about the ways he wishes to spend his v-bucks in Fortnite.
My 7-year-old daughter makes sport of torturing her little brother. I’m certain that one day I will find a hidden whiteboard somewhere in the house with tally marks indicating how many times she made him cry.
My most-spoken weekly phrases include:
“Do you need to go pee?”
“Did you poop in your pants or in the potty?”
“If you don’t turn off YouTube, I’m throwing away your tablet!”
“Leave him/her/them alone!”
Some days, it seems like yelling is the only form of communication going on in my home.
My three oldest yell at one another.
I yell at them for yelling.
Our newborn cries, and then we all yell just to talk over the wailing.
My “me time” during the day is the five to ten minutes I spend sitting on the toilet. But even that time is spent answering knocks on the door with: “what do you guys want me to do about it from in here?!”
Sometimes I shower in the middle of the day (because my mornings and evenings are full of feeding four kids and a husband, and juggling sports and chores). But – I shower with the bathroom door open so I can still referee and shout out to the two oldest to quick put a binky in the baby’s mouth so I can half-ass finish shaving my legs.
Some days, being a stay-at-home parent feels suffocating. It feels as though the little people I love most in the entire world are smothering me. My self-care and general hygiene don’t even seem to come in second. It’s as if those things don’t exist at times. Some days, I wear yesterday’s clothes. I don’t brush my hair or put on makeup.
I miss other adults.
I miss using big words without explaining their meaning. I miss talking about clothes and politics and basically any subject other than dinosaurs.
I miss laughing at inappropriate jokes and not following up with, “I’ll explain it when you’re older.”
I miss having the option to take a lunch break with a friend or alone.
Shit, I just miss lunch breaks.
When my days are long and full of yelling, and tears…
When I feel like I’m up to my eyes in dirty diapers, Legos, and puke…
When I’m in the middle of folding the world’s largest pile of laundry, a baby is crying, and somewhere in the house is a crash, bang, and scream of, “MOM!!”
Those are the times I miss other adults.
And, even though I love my four children. I love my husband. I love being a stay-at-home parent.
Even though I LOVE LOVE LOVE our beautiful chaos…
Sometimes, some days…
I’m not even sorry…
that I miss going to work.