Why The Polar Express Ride Your Town Offers Is Bullsh*t

Does your town do a Polar Express-themed train ride every holiday season? Ours does. And let me tell you – it is bullshit. The Cuyahoga Valley Scenic Railroad offers train rides to the “North Pole” and a visit with Santa every holiday season for some pretty…ahem…”affordable” prices. Can’t put a price on magic? Think again.…… Continue reading Why The Polar Express Ride Your Town Offers Is Bullsh*t

Distance Learning, Toddler Terror, And The Comfort Of Saying ‘F’ It

It started today. Distance Learning. Courtesy of Rona. My third grader crushed it.  The kid barely needed me.  I found myself tiptoeing to his bedroom, where he sat at his desk completely enthralled in his new learning platform.  I kept assuming that any minute he would call out for help, but instead, a floor board…… Continue reading Distance Learning, Toddler Terror, And The Comfort Of Saying ‘F’ It

Pantless, Sweaty, & Swearing: How DO I Do It?

So, I’m in the middle of vacuuming and cussing out my dogs for shredding a shitty diaper all over my two-year-old’s bedroom. I’m glistening like a freaking pig. Trying to decide which room of the house is next for a pantless deep-cleaning. (Yes, I’m cleaning my house with no pants on, because I rolled out…… Continue reading Pantless, Sweaty, & Swearing: How DO I Do It?

Summer Is Back On! My Beach Bod Is Not Ready!

Alert! Alert! As it turns out, Summer is not canceled after all! Grab your coolers and sunscreen. Put on your favorite flip-flops (just not from freaking Old Navy) and dust off that two-piece! As states are slowly reopening after the Great COVID Pandemic of 2020 (which isn’t actually over), and homeschooling is coming to an…… Continue reading Summer Is Back On! My Beach Bod Is Not Ready!

An Open Letter To Old Navy & The One Dolla Holla

Dear Old Navy, Today begins the “One Dolla Holla” flip-flop sale online. As I understand it, the deal is for basic color flip-flops, limit of 5, and your Old Navy/Gap credit card must be the sole means of payment. This is awesome if you have a store credit card. But, hey – some of us…… Continue reading An Open Letter To Old Navy & The One Dolla Holla

Terrible Two’s Is Happening – Please, Send Vodka

My third and youngest child has finally hit that oh-so-magical milestone: The Terrible Two’s. I had almost forgotten what the magic was like. The organic sound of nail-dragging screams. The assertiveness. The impressive ability to turn from happy-go-lucky Little Man to uncompromising dictator in seconds flat… Yep.  It’s happening. No one knows when or where…… Continue reading Terrible Two’s Is Happening – Please, Send Vodka

Taboo Topics: Why I Tell My Kids When I Am Wrong

Everyone makes mistakes. Mistakes are not limited to children who are learning and growing. Parents mess up too. And that’s OK. There is a notion out there that since you are perfect in the eyes of your child, you SHOULD be perfect. You SHOULD keep that image going for your kids. I am here to…… Continue reading Taboo Topics: Why I Tell My Kids When I Am Wrong

Why I Cry All The Time

I cry all the time. I know that my dry, sarcastic personality makes that hard to believe – but it’s true. I am, in fact, one giant blubbering bitch. And what’s more – I ugly cry. I cry over everything. Sad – cry. Mad – cry. Happy, overwhelmed, frustrated, joyful, hopeful, laughing, proud – cry,…… Continue reading Why I Cry All The Time

Dear Children, Go Make Some Ramen

It’s 8:30 in the morning. I have now been “stuck” in the house for 54 days with my three children. My oldest came to me this morning with the daily declaration, “Mom, I’m hungry.” “So, make some Ramen.” Yep. I’ve become that parent. “And make some for your 2-year-old brother as well. ” Ramen for…… Continue reading Dear Children, Go Make Some Ramen