I Wore This Yesterday

I cry all the time.

I know that my dry, sarcastic personality makes that hard to believe – but it’s true. I am, in fact, one giant blubbering bitch. And what’s more – I ugly cry.

I cry over everything. Sad – cry. Mad – cry. Happy, overwhelmed, frustrated, joyful, hopeful, laughing, proud – cry, cry, cry. Any single emotion on the spectrum can get my tears flowing.

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Motherhood

Motherhood is effing HARD.

At times, it’s frustrating. Kids refuse to eat the meals I cook. Potty training freaking blows. My daughter screams like I’m murdering her every time I touch her hair with a brush.

Sometimes, I just want to be left alone. There are three kids in this house. THREE. There is nowhere I can go that they don’t follow – and that includes the bathroom. If I’m not playing with them, they HAVE to play near me. If I’m not somewhere within their eyesight, they lose their shit.

I can’t always do my own stuff. I have housework to do, meals to cook, and I TRY to have hobbies. But the kids have needs. I have to either wait until all their stuff is taken care of, wait til Hubs comes home, or sporadically clean something in between ass-wiping and school work.

Sometimes, I feel like a failure. Did I spend too much time on ME today? Am I letting them kill brain cells, watching YouTube and playing Fortnite? Why can’t I consistently take my two-year-old to the potty?

Motherhood is also really, REALLY rewarding.

When I’m proud of my kids – I cry.

Sometimes, their empathy surprises the shit out of me. My daughter can sense when I’m having a hard time with something and she will always, immediately try to comfort me best she knows how (which is usually big, warm hugs). If I slip, cutting veggies, and knick my finger…my kids fight over who is going to go get Mom a band-aid. A few weeks ago, I stubbed a toe and my daughter followed me around for hours, holding an ice pack and suggesting I sit down and let her take care of me.

Also – The kids are young and learning something every day.  When they learn something new…or when they master something…they are SO proud.  And their sense of self-accomplishment radiates.  It makes my heart overflow with a joy that only parents know to be possible.

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Marriage

I cry when Hubs and I disagree.

I cry when we agree.

I cry when something is bothering him…When I lean on him for support.

I cry if I don’t feel understood. But, then I cry when I feel like he gets it.

The love you have in a marriage amplifies any and all emotions. If he’s not feeling right, I’m not feeling right. And vice-versa. If he’s proud, I feel proud. If I’m proud and he feels proud of me, then I cry because I’m overwhelmed with love and acceptance.

True story – I just started doing some Pinterest crafts. I decided to make lanterns out of tin cans. After the first one came out so great, I was excited and proud, so I cried. Then, Hubs was excited and proud FOR me, so I cried. Then, I was grateful to him and thanked him for teaching me to use some tools I needed, so I cried again.

When my husband helps me – it’s teamwork.  It’s partners being there for each other.  It’s one making the other feel like a better person.  Love is not a strong enough word for the bond that’s felt in those times.

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Housework

My house gets out of hand quite often. I’m not bitching – I am CERTAIN all women have this feeling, so I know I am not alone.

Some days, it just feels like no matter how much I clean, it still looks like a disaster. And some days, everything is perfectly perfect and in its place – then it gets destroyed in the blink of an eye, by way of three kids and two dogs. It’s frustrating.

And the laundry – dear God, the laundry. There is SO MUCH. Always. My mound of laundry on any day of the week is enough to make me shed some tears (though I rarely actually cry over unfolded shirts alone).

Dishes – pffft! Let’s not go there.

All I’m saying – housework adds up.  It gets overwhelming.  Yes, I get help.  The kids and Hubs help out.  But, come on, you know what I mean.  The work adds up, it feels overwhelming, and some days you just want to set it all on fire.  Those are the days I cry.

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Family

Am I spending enough time with my extended family? My parents…grandparents…inlaws…brothers…sisters…neices…nephews…

Do I talk to them enough?

Do I appreciate them enough?

Do I show enough love?

Listen – in real life, I am not a touchy-feely, hugging kind of person. I actually hate most physical contact outside of the Hubs and kids. I don’t know why. Perhaps if there’s a psychologist out there reading this, you can psychoanalyize my posts and let me know what’s wrong with me. Anyway, the point is: I DO care about my family and showing love and appreciation. But I have a physical issue with showing it. And I DO feel bad about it. I DO think about it.

If I’m being truly honest about ME – I talk with my mother and one sister-in-law the most, of all our extended family. I think THEY know I love them. But, I probably do a really shitty job of showing everyone else.

So.  Point being – some days I feel guilty.  I have a great family who is always there for me.  Do I do enough in return?  The thought that makes me a little misty: one day, they’ll be gone and I will not have done enough.

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Good People

There are some really good people in this world. Some who are close to us, others who we don’t even know. I can totally have a good ugly cry going on when I witness someone just being decent.

Case and point: do yourself a favor and check out John Krasinski’s, Some Good News (SGN) web series.  If you want to smile, laugh, cry, and just get some good news…look it up.

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Books & Movies

I cannot talk about crying without mentioning books and movies.

If a book or a movie makes you cry, the author has done their job. They’ve appealed to your emotions and pulled on your heart strings in some way.

This is especially true if it’s not even supposed to be a sad story.

Example: Home.  This is an animated film about a misfit alien and a little girl who was separated from her mother during an “invasion.” It’s a very silly, fun movie. The part that ALWAYS gets me though – when the girl and her mother are reunited. My kids think it’s hilarious that a comedy makes me cry. But, really, if you’re a mom too, do I even need to explain why?

Intended-to-be sad books and movies get me too! I’m just saying.

If you don’t cry watching Steel Magnolias or My Girl, you probably have no soul.

And if you’ve never cried over your favorite character dying in a novel, you must not have read carefully enough or something! I bawled at the end of the Divergent series (yeah, YA fiction, so what?).

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The OTHER Category

I could probably go on and on and on about all the things that make me cry like a little bitch. Some things are pretty freaking obvious and need no explanation. Let’s just start condensing here:

• Weddings
• Death
• Newborns
• Saying goodbye
• Missing someone
• Birthdays
• Feeling sick
• Worrying
• Reunions
• Physical pain
• Laughing so hard you cry
• Tears of joy
• Pride
• Death of a pet

I don’t know. These are your basics, I guess. We all know the list can go on.

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What makes you cry?

Are you a blubbering bitch like me? Or a stone-cold, no emotions type of dude?

Let me know if you think I’m just overly sensitive or if I’m not alone here!

I promise, I’ll try not to cry about it.