Back To School…Kind Of…

So, tomorrow is the day all parents dream of over the summer…

It’s supposed to be the most wonderful time of year…


Except this year… eh… it’s a little different.

…Freaking Corona…

So, tomorrow begins virtual classes.

But only for the first three weeks.  After that, we are allowed a hybrid schedule based on our county’s Rona threat level.   And, uh, MAYBE a normal 5-day schedule if Ohioans behave themselves and wear masks.

If you didn’t follow that explanation, don’t feel bad.  It’s a giant cluster-f*ck!

Basically, if people mask up and stay the hell away from parties, my kids get to go back to school in person…eventually.

Anyway, tomorrow is day one of the homeschool life.

I can’t say I’m as excited as usual.  I’m actually a little nervous.

OK, a lot nervous.

My daughter is going into first grade, and my son, third.

In case you’re new here, you should know I also have a two-year-old and two dogs.

Sooo, let’s start with the obvious reason to be nervous: two kids in different grades learning in a brand new way…Gotta help them get settled, keep a schedule, stay on task…Annnnd juggle potty training, cooking, cleaning, yelling at the dogs, and keeping Little Guy entertained enough that he’ll leave his siblings alone.

Yeah, my freaking head is spinning tonight.

OK, problem number two: pants.

My daughter received this little checklist to make sure she’s ready and able to learn every morning.  Things like eat breakfast, use the bathroom…

They’re really not outlandish requirements.

But near the bottom of this list, it quite clearly states that she is to be wearing school-appropriate clothing.  NO PAJAMAS.

Sooo, do these rules apply to just the kids, or…..?

Man, I have gotten RIDICULOUSLY used to not wearing pants during the week.  And now, freaking Google Meet has to start cramping my style.

…I GUESS I can put on pants for the sake of not scaring the class…But I can’t promise makeup or ACTUAL jeans.  That’s asking a bit much.

Hmm, problem three…I’m a little worried my two-year-old will yell “Oh dammit!” when my daughter’s mic isn’t muted.

For that matter, I’m a little worried I’ll be caught swearing at the dogs…

Listen, I’m just trying to laugh a little at a situation that has me stressed out.

I am POSITIVE that I’m going to be a hot mess these next few weeks…

I will constantly question my parenting.

I’ll probably cry and drink hard liquor when Hubs gets home from work.

There’s a pretty good chance I’ll hide in the bathroom here and there.

Actually…I do most of those things even when we aren’t homeschooling…Which is why I’m nervous about homeschooling!


Pray for me, guys.

And all you other mamas out there…I feel your pain, big time!

Wish I had some great words of wisdom for this special occasion, but best I can come up with is an after-school snack recipe.



  • 2 cups cranberry juice
  • 1 cup vodka
  • 1/2 cup amaretto
  • 3 tablespoons orange juice
  • Ice cubes
  • Clementines, peeled, separated

Mix ingredients in a pitcher. Pour in a fancy cup. Garnish with clementine.


2 thoughts on “Back To School…Kind Of…

  1. Oh that’s funny! I have a niece who I should hook you up with. She’s got four kids and seems to have this all in hand which I’m sure you do as well. I know about those video chats though. I can get away with not wearing pants but what if I want a drink? Hmmmm


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s