How To Tell If You’re A Shitty Mom

I LOVE MY KIDDOS.  All freaking three of them.

No, wait – six.  I have two dogs and a hubs as well.

Anyway – I friggin love them all.

And I’m pretty sure they all love me too – which is kind of mind-blowing because…

I’m a Shitty Mom.



Sometimes there is no clean underwear.

For anyone in the entire house.

Actually, let me be honest – This happens at least twice a week.

I wash clothes 24/7/365…and yet, somehow, some magical mysterious way – we always run out of clean underwear.

Not just the kids’ either. Hubs and I too. And I swear, he and I are not shitting our pants.


My kids play in dirt all day.

They dig for worms. They roll around in the grass with the dogs. They sweat.

They flat out stink by night time.

Sometimes, we are all just exhausted and I don’t make them bathe.

Hey – I have never made my smelly kids go to school in their filth. Of course I make sure they’re clean if society is going to see them. So, at least I have that going for me.

But, sometimes, before bed…it’s just easier to say, “screw it, I’m tired.”


I don’t force my kids to eat their veggies.

I cook them. I serve them. They don’t eat them.

Seriously though, my oldest is almost 8-years-old. I have 8 years of veggie-refusal under my belt and I’m just flipping tired of it.

I am done arguing.

When there’s a sale on Flintstones Vitamins, they can get their minerals that way.


My kids enjoy way more than the recommended amount of daily screen time.

My oldest is obsessed with Fortnite.

My daughter is obsessed with YouTube life-hack videos.

My youngest is obsessed with Mickey Mouse and Daniel Tiger.

I have zero excuse for this.

Technology is a part of everyday life.

I’m glued to my phone, using an app to write this post.

And come on – like we didn’t spend too much time playing Nintendo as kids? Or pinball? Technology has changed, but kids haven’t.


I throw away toys when the kids aren’t looking.

Listen – I’ve tried to be that parent who reasons with her kids about donating “old” things.

But, when mama is rage cleaning – no toy is safe.

And if you’ve ever purposely vacuumed up Barbie shoes or Legos that have been left out – you might be a rage cleaner too.


I tell my kids places are closed so they stop asking to go.

Don’t lie – even if you aren’t out as a Shitty Mom, you’ve done this at least once.

Kids are kids. You can only explain things nicely to them so many times. Sometimes, they understand we are busy with responsibilities; but sometimes they’re just kids with one-track minds. It’s nobody’s fault. They’re just wired that way.

But, for this reason, Chuck E. Cheese has been closed for the past year.


If I want alone time, I put on a scary movie.

I teach and play with my kiddos all day every day.

Sometimes…If Little Guy is napping and I have a pile of laundry to fold, I will search the Roku for scary movies that will keep the other two from even looking into the living room.

As far as I’m concerned, nap time is break time (though folding a motherloving mound of laundry is hardly a break).


I let the kids make messes so I can accomplish household tasks.

Sometimes I have important shit to take care of. Sometimes I need to make phone calls to set appointments or pay a bill. Surely I cannot have the kids sounding like they’re murdering each other in the background while I’m trying to be all proper.

I go in the bedroom, lock the door, and let all hell break loose while I do my best impression of a sane person to the receptionist on the line.

I’ll deal with the mess later.


I’m A Shitty Mom

When the kids fight,

When the boy screams,

When I’m feeling sad,

I simply remember my favorite shitty things,

And then I don’t feel so bad.


What kinds of shitty things do you do?


3 thoughts on “How To Tell If You’re A Shitty Mom

  1. I used to play jokes on my kids>evil grinStanding at a podium. Hello, my name is Sheryl and I’m a shitty mom”. Us moms have to preserve our sanity somehow” and believe me, I needed the laugh.

    Like

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